I failed my 2.4 run today. I got 19 minutes plus. The passing rate is 18:30. So I have to get below 18 to make for some allowance.

Somehow, just failing this physical fitness test just seems to convince me of the 'failure' I am. (Take note of the ''.)

I don't know how I did for the History and Geography test. I read the second question wrongly for Hist. It said 'how similar or different are B and C on the defense Singapore put up?' I answered 'how similar are B and C'.

Why am I such a failure, even at such simple tasks as reading the question...I still think this way though many other classmates misread the question too.

Then, the Geog. I ran out of time. I was going to write more but the teacher said pointedly 'Ka Onn put down your pen'. So yeah.

I know, today at five items I managed to go 42.5 cm for sit and reach. That's an A, five points. Then, I did 20 inclined pull-ups. That's an A too. Despite that, I'm not consoled.

I can't even get hold of my feelings. Today in Chinese class, the class was falling asleep so Lao Shi went to the staffroom to get a bagful of sweets for us. She came back and gave us one each.

And I wanted to cry.

I saw the sweet wrapper said 'Dynamite. Mint candy with chocolate centre'. It was the same one which I had eaten -- the only one I'd eaten -- and served -- at Da Be(my uncle)'s wake last week.

Needless to say, I returned the sweet. Lao Shi was sympathetic and patted my shoulder when I explained why.

I can't even get a grip on my feelings. Then what can I control?!