I read an article yesterday, on the expected peak of suicides upcoming as the financial crisis worsens.

Is there really no hope ahead? Is that why people choose to commit suicide, and end it all?

I wonder if I will ever fall into such a state. Life doesn't seem to bright at the moment. Outlook's bleak. The following is copy pasted from http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/sadness.html#.

Here are some of the signs and symptoms of depression:

* feeling empty or numb
* feeling hopeless (like there's nothing to look forward to)
* feeling guilty or worthless
* feeling lonely or unloved
* feeling irritable and annoyed a lot (every little thing gets on your nerves)
* feeling like things are not fun anymore
* having trouble keeping your mind on schoolwork or homework or getting bad grades
* having trouble keeping your mind on things like reading or watching TV or not remembering what a book or a TV show was about
* having less energy and feeling tired all the time
* sleeping too much or not enough
* not eating enough and weight loss or eating too much and weight gain
* thinking about death or thinking about suicide
* spending less time with friends and more time alone
* crying a lot, often for no reason
* feeling restless (being unable to sit still or relax)
* having certain body feelings, like lots of stomachaches, headaches, or chest pain

People who have depression may not even know it. Often it's a parent or teacher who notices behavior changes like the ones in the list above. Depression can run in families. Having a parent who gets depressed makes it more likely for a kid to become depressed.

Some kids have depression after the loss of someone really close, such as a parent; long-lasting problems at home, including violence, illness, divorce, or alcohol or drug use; child abuse or neglect; rape; and long-term illness, burns, or accidents. But sometimes kids may be depressed for no apparent reason.



Hmm. Know anyone who is like that? Send them for counselling. Right, so based upon that criteria I require some. No thanks, man! (Really, am I in depression?)

Dude, I thought, what am I living for?

Debate? I'm not good at it. In fact, I don't think I'm good at all. I've been kinda 'benched' by the coach Imran, just 'cause the last speech I gave at training was 2.5 minutes long. And the one before that was the only speech which I ever made to 4 30. Then the obvious thing to do, because it's my first third speaker speech, is to try me out as third! Then I didn't get a place last week 'cause I had my uncle's wake. Then this week, Monday VJ spar. Timekeeper. Wednesday, team spar against each other. Timekeeper. Today, Cat High spar. Timekeeper. Timekeeper. Timekeeper. Timekeeper. That's all I do. And the reason why I volunteered to be timekeeper when I didn't get a speaker position? I need something to distract myself from the ugly truth that I was just there to make up the numbers, and that I was just sitting on my ass wasting time.

Then, calligraphy. I'm like, not good. Or at least I don't think so. I haven't won anything. Didn't improve much. Getting tired of life.

Oh, we have reading and writing fanfiction, writing fics, and using the Net for stories. I'm kinda removed from them? Like I can live without it? Like the interest kinda faded. Oh, for manga too. Maybe it's just for now, but I wouldn't know.

Music. Something I still enjoy. I mostly do Tokio Hotel stuff nowadays, online at listen.grooveshark.com. They own. Big time. Come to think of it, most of what I listen to is emo-ish, rockish.

Think about God? Try to find Him? I don't see Him. He's not playing an active role in my life.

I think I'm pretty tired, already. Whether it's depression or not, maybe it's just melancholy over debate or whatever else, I don't care.