On Thursday, we had the Sec Two Inter-house Games. I forgot to bring my PE T-shirt. As expected of me. Dorothy got me out of that scrape by lending me her spare shirt. It was size 42. I wear 38. But then again, who am I to complain when she just saved my ass?

I had signed up for badminton. Not a sport I play particularly well, but then again, I play it better than basketball or bench-ball. Okay. Then I found out it would be doubles. So who's my double? I knew virtually no one who signed up for badminton. Those whom I knew got routed to another sport because we had too many people. So we had random partners. My partner was this person called Nell Shen. SBC, sings well. Anyway, back to what happened.

Our first opponent was late. Ms Su gave them a tongue lashing and scribbled down: First warning, late on court. All because we had to hunt for them and they were as a result, late for five minutes. Trouble causing.

The result was 21-13. Naturally, Nell and I won, because they were crappy. They couldn't serve. Neither could Nell, but I could. And not many of us knew the rules properly, so I just got all the serves. Saved our asses too. Nell's serves go into the net.

We got to the last few points. Just a few more, I thought. I fixed a stare at them. They looked pretty much intimidated, not really wanting to glance back. Here I come, I'm gonna kickass. I served.

And the shuttlecock went right into the net.

See, I toldja anger doesn't get you anywhere. I was right, huh?

Well, as a matter of fact, ego doesn't get you anywhere either. In case you're wondering, yes, Nell and I had a second game against another pair of opponents. Yes, we won. How could I lose face with my senior Meaghan (debate) as one of the linesmen anyway? Ah, there goes my ego again. Don't pay any attention to him. Queer chap, that fellow.

Enjoy your day, fellows.

That was the conscience. That dude needs to be decimated. Yeah.

:D
ADAM LAMBERT LOST TO KRIS ALLEN! DAMNIT! American Idol, by the way.

Compare Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, and Danny Gokey. Gokey was out. So who's the goody-two-shoes type, compared to the rebel? So Gokey's votes went to Allen. And Lambert lost.

Many more people prefer Allen because he has a wholesome image, that of a college boy who isn't gay and he doesn't look goth with black nail polish.

I ROOT FOR LAMBERT! LAMBERT ALL THE WAY!

Besides, compare the first American Idol, Reuben something and Clay Aiken. Aiken lost to Something, but Aiken had more albums sold. Aiken was gay. Something wasn't.

Hmf. GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER HERE! People should't judge a person just based upon his or her sexual orientation. They should judge by character, or in this case, singing.

Anyway, I think the solution to this is simply to make everyone bisexual and hermaphrodites through genetic engineering. But it's not all that possible right? Sigh. We'd get a huge wave of protests.

Whatever. My idea still stands. It causes the gap between people of different orientations to be sealed and destroyed. Way to go. We need all hands on deck, all united anyway.
A new record has been set. I have not posted in three days, since Monday. Not a record for some who doesn't post in weeks or months, but I think it is for me, because I could do a few posts a day.

Anyway, I've some news about debate. I finally made five yesterday! And I made five fifty one today. Not bad. As a third. My favourite position. Nope, we're not talking about positions in sex, we're talking about speaking positions in debate, and the motion (the topic, not anything else) was This House Would Ban Handguns.

I basically just wrote some points which I thought Opp would use (we were Prop) and started scribbling...then wrote down the labels of the points they made. It's a good method. I draw a line down the page, giving about one-quarter on the left. I write the label there on the left and write my argument on the right. Then after one argument, I draw a line across. Not bad.

I'm glad 'cause I'm progressing. But not very fast, and I need to buck up fast enough so that I can make it into the main team for the U14s. SOON.

Argh. Nothing is enough to satisfy me. Damnit all.
Great. MGS fling-a-thong party is cancelled. The party I'd been looking forward to. The party which was supposed to celebrate the end of exams.

It was just about all that I was looking forward too this week. Damn it! All in favour of more trainings, so we can win any debate anyday.

Basically, I don't look forward to much. Just calligraphy, reading, listening to music , using the Net and usually debate. But cancelling a party that was long-planned for debate? Man, it's just a party, and we're all free in the bloody hols. You can have trainings every single day, and you choose to cancel a party for it.

I mean, with religion being one confused lump, and many upheavals within my school life, philosophy and brain life, I'm pretty confused now.

I want to go religion-less for a while. Decide whether I want the presence of some God I don't even know in my life or not.

Not even sure what I'm living for anyway. Never was from the beginning.
What will it be like to go religion-less for a while?

Some people say they're living for Christ or whatever god they choose to follow. I don't feel that fire within. Whatever it is they've got, I don't have it.

I don't know what I'm living for. Certainly not God.

Life just seems not to hold any meaning now. Like, my life shouldn't revolve 'round school, nor CCAs. Then what?

I wish I could have my 'old' life back. Or just one that's carefree. One that I don't need to worry about all the school work and math. One that's without any debating levels I need to ascend before I get to go for competitions. Everyone says that's easy but I'm not getting there.

Seriously, what happened to life as a child, where everything was so simple...
I scream into the night for you
Don't make it true, don't jump
The lights will not guide you through
They're deceiving you, don't jump

Don't let memories go of me and you
The world is down there out of view
Please, don't jump



Lyrics from Don't Jump by Tokio Hotel. A gentle reminder, people.
The atmosphere in school is, well, pretty WRONG. According to me anyway.

Ms Tian (Christian Ministry Staff) stopped me to help her take some things up to the library where we were having SALT later, and she took the opportunity to ask me how me and the rest of the class was coping. And on my autopilot mode answers, she asked 'Oh every teacher asks this?' 'Yeah.' 'Oh, then every response is the same?' 'Yea, pretty much.'

PLEASE, man. No matter how good the teacher's intentions are from the start, the result is still the same: it pisses me off. Don't they get it, I want to be left alone?! One teacher is enough, they all get the same answer anyway.
LIVE
LIVE
LIVE
LIVE
LIVE
LIVE ON
BE STRONG
LIVE AND LET LIVE
PICK UP THE PIECES, FRAGMENTS
CONTINUE LIVING
LIVE
LIVE
LIVE ON






Esther, Grace and I had recess together as we and other people were decorating the cake for Mrs Ni. We all agreed to have sixteen more class parties. We've only had one so far. We shall fulfill the head of the Class Bonding Comm's wishes.

One down. Sixteen more to go. Wonder where we're going to find the time.
You had an admirer, gazing from afar
Looking upon you chasing people around the track
Until she herself was pushed by you
'Start running, hurry up!'
Oh, the memories

Your admirer envied your
Seemingly 'perfect' life
With all the right components:
Friends, family, self,
Watching you live your life...

The envied object
Was your source of pain
Your unknown source of suffering
You hid
It so well
Fooling us all, everyone

Death, your objective
At last achieved
Perhaps you thought you weren't loved
Look at all of us
Dare you say you still aren't...

Beautiful in life
Still beautiful after
Your admirer still gazes from afar
Still beautiful
You dance, above the buildings
Among the cloud wisps
Sun shining down
On your beautiful visage

You sing your songs of joy
Delighting in all your new-found peace
Living among the angelic beings
Without any worries or foes

We live on, half-crippled
By our overwhelming grief
Marked out by the fresh tears
Carousing in broken tracks
Down our tear-stained faces.
You watch, eyes wide open
From high above, from your perch in heaven
At the mountains of soiled tissues
At the endless soundtrack of sniffles, wails and frustration
As we ruminate over what peace you are feeling now

Really, is the peace you have now
All so good
It was worth deserting
Your comrades, everyone
Just to experience

Mere acoustics, or
Foam or chipboard walls
Cannot block out the endless litany
Cannot filter nor firewall
The grief, oh! The

Grief, showing so plainly
Upon each and every upturned tear-stained face
All we can do
Is remind ourselves
Of the peace you have now
One more day to go. Then I'm free. Tomorrow I have the Math CT. Then it's TO HELL WITH STUDYING, LET'S PARTAAYYYY!!! Yeah, I suppose.

I have the MGU's fling-a-thong party on the 19th. We're going to Jurong Point to watch X-Men The Origins and then go shopping. (Speaking of origins, it's the 'zero point' on both the x-axis and y-axis. Toldja I did tons of Math.)

Anyway, I just fed my cat a can of fish and my spider two flies. Hahah, go explore my blog for the explanations.

This is the first time I'm blogging without a clear, specific topic. Hmm. The ice queen is giving in to randomness. Hmmf.

Anyway, last night's party was pretty good. With two of Im's friends there, Andrea, Anne, Nat and myself, we managed to do quite a lot. Including traumatising much of the diners at Fish & Co. by making the staff shout: "Happy birthday to the birthday girl, Immy!" We wanted to make him shout "Immykins!" but then someone protested, so yeah.

We got him a handphone keychain that said 'Queen Imran' with a football at the end, a floating balloon saying 'Happy birthday Princess', a jazz compilation album, a giant card, and a shirt that said "I'm not weird, I'm just Imran." with a cute monkey pic. His friends got him a green iPod nano.

Time well-spent:D. More on another post.
I just watched a video on my friend Shu Hui's blog. She'd posted there. It's a video from You Tube, of this contestant called Derrick Barry. He was impersonating Britney Spears.

Many people would think that he was gay. He was dressed exactly like a girl, for goodness sake, and he was prettier than quite a lot of girls!

I think society really is evolving nowadays, with LGBT society being more and more open to admit they are different, and society is moving to accept them, even if Law 377A still stands. Even if the government bans sex between men.

Maybe this is just from my POV(Point of view), but I think an all-inclusive society is the way to go. A society without any prejudices towards anyone, where everyone is all equal, where racial or religious strife doesn't exist, and everyone is made bisexual. That's just my twisted(read: perverse to some people)dream. Basically, that just takes away every single little differentiating factor. I'm sure there's much more, like education level, but I think these are the main factors, anyway.

Maybe. Never. Ah well. What I wish for doesn't always come true.

I actually don't think this will ever be possible, because it requires really a lot of genetic engineering, and I don't think it'll really be possible. The world would protest. I think bisexual suits the bill rather well, since you can like both, and it's just a matter of which one you like better. Hmm.

Everything seems perfect, but that's only in my warped little bubble. Not possible, man.
I just completed reading this book, The Alleys Of Eden by Robert Olen Butler. It's a story of this US Army deserter, Clifford Wilkes, who stays in this tiny little apartment with his girlfriend Lanh. The both of them really try to keep the existence of Cliff in the apartment as a secret, except from the old ladies they have as neighbours.

Anyway, they escape right at the last minute, and the US Marine doesn't let Lanh in at first, so she runs off, until Cliff runs and takes her and they leap onto the last helicopter.

When they reach America, Cliff gets rid of all his IDs and his money, and he also gave himself a new name: Cliff Pell. Then he goes to his old editor of a newspaper he used to work for, and the editor gets him a new ID: Clifford Smith.

So he starts life again, with Lanh in a small apartment. Then all things change, as they begin struggling to fit into the mechanisms of normal life, where Lanh has to learn English, quickly, and Cliff has to find a job.

They drift apart, as they seem not to be able to fit in, as Lanh wishes not to learn English and speak with the negihbours, but Cliff wishes for her to, and slowly Lanh doesn't hold any more allure for Cliff. I mean, he's not interested.



Everyone seems to change under different circumstances. So does love and friendships. Cliff promised Lanh he'd love her still even if she changed in America, but somehow, even all those promises just seem not to be able to hold up under the test of life-changing circumstances...Love doesn't hold up when people change, especially when the one that is loved is another facet of the same person...

Circumstances change. People change. Facets of life change. Routines are sometimes demolished. Nothing stays the same. Not even love. Nor other emotions.
Yesterday, I went blog surfing. Somehow, I stumbled upon Li En(my classmate)'s blog. Here's the URL: lien.bigbig.com.

Anyway, she posted pictures of her and a few friends studying together in her house(her room, to be specific).

I got a tad jealous.

Partly because of the photographs, which most were rather beautiful in polaroid black and white, and managed to capture the moment (or so I think).

I was envious because I never had any friends over to do this kinda thing. As in, study and all. Or even to play. Sure, my mother had asked me, but then all my friends were always busy. With school, homework, and sometimes their parents said my home was too far.

I suppose that's because they were just a small group of friends whom I had, good for acquaintances in school and all, but not really good for meeting up in the holidays.

Why, then, you might ask, did I not have the kind of friends who were good for everything?

I don't know. I just didn't. And I don't.

Maybe it's due to my supposed anti-social, cynical and sarcastic nature. Ah well, never mind.
What if you take religion out of the question of life?

Is there life after death without religion? Do souls actually exist?

If souls exist, then does life after death exist too? If so, then death is not the end of our life. If it is not the end, then would we continue to live upon the earth in spirit form, or would we live somewhere else? Or would the soul be reincarnated into another form, a human or animal form, or roam about somewhere else as a spirit?

Then if so then what happens when we die? Does the 'tunnel of light' and 'tunnel of darkness' theory hold up?

Why are people afraid of death, anyway? Isn't it more or less like just a phase which we all have to go through in the end, the same as birth? If there is life after death...then I would liken death to birth, as birth is the death of your life within the womb, but then it's the start of your human life here.

So is death a passing phase, a route to another life?

If it is the route to another life, then will there ever be a true death, where the soul ceases to exist?
RJ U14s are cancelled.

I don't know whether to feel sad or glad.
Many people are addicted to different things. Some to caffeine found in coffee or tea. Some addicted to drugs;Internet;music;books...There's too many to list.

Actually, I think the thing most people are addicted to is this: BEING BUSY. No, I'm not joking. Really.

Look at your schedule. Isn't it fully packed? Packed full of things that sometimes you liked at first, but over time started not to like, like tuition classes that seemed fun and exciting and full of friends? Or things that once you stagnate for a while and stop improving, it doesn't seem fun anymore?

We always complain and groan "Oh, I'm so BUSY today, I hardly have time for anything at all, like FUN STUFF..." But think, what happens if we take away all the things we have to do? We're left with just the entire day to ourselves. That's 'fun'. After a few days of not doing anything, just loafing about, let's see whether you still think it's 'fun'.

Like it or not, being busy is a syndrome we're all succumbing to. And 'busy-ness' is an integral part of our lives, whether we like it or not.

Being busy is so important. We feel 'lost' without it. Like a large chunk of our life is missing. School takes up so much time. So does studying. But if you remove it, life becomes so aimless.

Being busy seems so important. Being un-busy seems surreal. And tired is somewhere in there too.

Side note to self: Get more sleep before Wednesday(start of exams).

Maybe all we need is a balanced mix of busy-ness and un-busy-ness.
Bertrice was saying on her DA(Deviantart) journal that she'd much rather go for ROCs than stay behind for debate. I'd much rather go for debate than ROCs. Exchanging places is so much more complicated than you think. Especially when I'm sub-standard to the rest of the team. At least I still have Carol on the U14 squad who is a Sec 2, and isn't going for the RJC U14s.

I want to go for the debate so much...As a debater, even reserve, not even speaker, even though I have to skip ROCs...

Wah piang. And Nat and Anne were working off frustrations on Wednesday by running round the school track at eight 'cause Imran reamed them out for putting up a 'sucky debate' according to him against Hwa Chong. I would rather receive a tongue-lashing from him rather than sitting on the sidelines with my lovely senior Meaghan who is a pretty nice person, no matter what my other fellow u14s think. And no matter what the seniors think, she's still a nice person and she's one of the few I actually get along with.

I want to improve, but I have no idea how to, and I want to get into the team, but I have to improve first, and I have no idea even what speaker position I want to specialise in...
*hyperventilate, hyperventilate*

*take deep breath, cool down*

*ahh! hyperventilate again!!!*

My-mother-bought-me-a-new-iPod.

There, that wasn't too bad, right? It's yellow with a green cover by the brand Cygnett. :D The cover has flowers (the beautiful Chinese-ish kind) on the back.

It wasn't too bad getting all the songs in 'cause I just synced everything in from iTunes, which was just from the old laptop.

Heehee. Hyperventilate.

This one had better not get stolen. This one stays in my locker all day until 2pm. Then it's in my bag, and I have my bag within eyeshot all day. It's not even out of my sight.

Anyway, I'm looking for a new skin. Since my parents opposed to this. Hahah.
Well, I have to say that I don't think that NJ made the decision for me not to transfer, or whoever who updates the website. It was definitely my own decision.

I have no regrets over not applying whatsoever, because I don't want to rush into things. (Man, this sure sounds like a relationship. I assure you it's not.)

Perhaps you recall how I had appealed over from Crescent to MG on the very last day of the orientation. What I recall was that I made the decision after seeing the library and the librarian and other facilities of the school. But then, I remember I did regret that decision to transfer, because I was rather alienated and isolated and yes, I was bullied in the first term, and ostracised in the second term...

So I think I can safely say that I do not wish for that to happen again. Given my rather anti-social, sarcastic and cynical nature, I believe I will have some problems fitting in too.

I don't have any regrets about not applying, because I won't know what will happen in the next two and a half years which I have left in the school. I won't know what will happen in the next four and a half years there, if I successfully apply and transfer. I'll only be able to judge and decide when two and a half years, or four and a half years, is over. But then it'll be too late to change anything anyway, so I might as well not regret anything at all.

Ah well. Leave the decisions to God. Let's hope He makes the best ones for us.