Somehow I can never be quite satisfied.

I'm not happy with my marks (CA3) although I passed everything but Geog. I'm not happy with debate because my status is so...very fragile. I never seem to improve no matter how much I try.

I'm not good at much at all, actually. I'm not that good at Lit, there's way more people in my class who scored damn high and left me lying in the dust. Lang? With a 13/25 for fucking Shakespeare and his bloody gay Antonio, I'm not going anywhere.

It feels weird when I try to go and talk to one of my classmates because I run out of conversation topics so damn quickly. It feels weird because they seem so clique-ish and I never feel at ease with them. The classmates are the kind that silence seems unnatural with them. I always get stuck with the leftovers for projects. Maybe others think about me that way too. And I can't even find a room mate for ROCs. People just take me for granted. They just think they can pick another room mate who's more popular, who's more cool, who's more pretty or whatever bloody fucking crap, and then they just say 'Oh I'm so sorry I forgot to tell you!'

Ohyeah, those bloody bitches. I always try not to be too sarcastic. I try to be nice. I try to please them by agreeing. I try to ask for things nicely. I try to fit in, to make conversation, to make them think that I'm an okay person, to stop them from having some warped twisted image of me that I read porno and is a violent dangerous fucking serial killer or whatever shit.

I try all day. I can't make it. They still don't like me, some still think I'm weird, some still think I'm dangerous.

I might as well be a bloody hermit, holed up with books, paper, pens, laptop, damn fast wireless, whatever I want.

I never am satisfied. I don't know what it is. Food, books, comics(manga), internet, fb, msn, fanfiction, writing, reading, calligraphy, music, piano, coffee, I don't know, alcohol, ice cream...chips, TV, I don't know. Nothing works. I just want more. I'm not satisfied with the alcoholic ice cream I consumed with my parents and an adult friend, I want the alcohol itself, I want the alcohol,

I still don't know what will satisfy me,

I still don't know what will make me contented,

I still don't know what will make me happy.

Exam grades?

Dream on.