Okay, so the last debate competition that's intra-school is the Methodist Cup. Meth Cup for short. And MGS is sending two teams, an A team and a B team.

A Team:
Min
Meg
Nat
Keish
Anne

B Team:
Aish if any of the Sec Twos can't make it, Carol will replace.
Bert
Jules
Sanj
Anty if any of the Sec Ones can't make it, Anmol will replace.



As you can see I didn't make it into the B team. I'm not wishing for the A team, because I know I'll never be right at the top with those guys, and I don't have a chance of pulling even with say, Nat (because she's a third speaker like me).

Of course, I can bitch about 'Oh Imran wants his dream Sec One team so he recruited four new ones, and he's placing emphasis on them, so there are three in the B team' and 'What the hell is the use of training people who are actually going to leave the school already anyway to JCs of their choice?!'

But in the end, it all boils down to me.

Imran said that I had improved. Fine. So if I improved so fucking much why can't I even get in based on my own bloody merit?

So it all comes crashing down anyway. Sure, I can stand in and fill in a spot, but I don't think I earned it. I think it's just that I'm filling in the spots because I happen to be the resident third on the swing team.

and the walls of jericho come tumbling down. i just never am good enough anyway. i'm just always stuck on something at the halfway mark.