And sometimes you just wonder, and wonder aimlessly, about things. Whether the answers actually come is not something that we know. Or rather, perhaps the answers are already there, it is just that we are unaware of the existence of the answers, or maybe we're just unconsciously rejecting the answer.
Read other people's blogs and felt dispirited.

Listened to #1 by KJ-52 and Stan by Eminem and went 'oh.'
PESA's over.

For me, at least.

Outside the room in the corridor:

"Oh are you joining the PESA competition? You should, I think you'd do well..."

"Oh thanks Stacey, but I'm just a replacement for someone who's in Malaysia at the moment. So I'm just supposed to attend since the school paid, and the other girl will take part in the competition."

"You should take part..."

- awkward smile from me, confident and friendly smile from her -


In the lift with two girls:

"Hey are you a debater? You should be one, you speak well..."

-awkward smile- "Eh I was in the debate team last year, then I quit this year..."

"Oh whyyy? You should continue..."

"Eh they didn't inform me of trainings so I guess they didn't really want me there, and they're all better than me anyway."

"Oh... But I think you should continue. If you really like it then you should fight for it..."

-awkward smile- "Thanks...But I don't think they really wanted me. Thanks..."



It was only after I left them, after they walked away in the opposite direction, that I realised how much of a coward I must have seemed to them.

Confident on the speaking floor, then socially awkward.








Look closely. The sign says 'If I can't marry my boyfriend, I'll marry your daughter.'

I always wonder why people are so much against homosexual marriages or marriages between races or between religions or whatever the hell it is. Don't they realise that these people trying to get married are people too?

In a world that is constantly battling with rogue nations supposedly armed with nuclear weapons of mass destruction (yes that's you North Korea!), in a world that has children who don't know whether they will be able to eat a meal daily, in a world filled with violence in video games and television and street fights and virtual tension, in a world where people think that their existence is meaningless and decide to go jump off a building, in a world where so much corruption, slavery, human rights abuse, child exploitation, familial violence, poverty and abuse, just to name a few, all exist, WHY DON'T PEOPLE SEE THAT LOVE, IF THERE IS LOVE AT ALL, IS ONE OF THE FORCES TO CHANGE THIS?!

Love is love. Whether it's between a man and a man, a man and a woman, or a woman and a woman, or between people and animals so they stop animal abuse, between people and the earth to stop global warming, love is a driving force. Often, emotions are the driving forces behind our actions. If emotions are the driving forces behind our actions, then it's time we stopped acting out of hate. It's time we stopped discriminating against others because of some whatever-shit-factor. It's time we stopped having hate speech not just in Singapore where some Tampines JC students were branded dogs in a wikipedia article, but in the world. It's not a problem that's mutually exclusive to us.

If love is a better driving force behind our actions than hate, then why do people condemn certain types of love?
Sometimes I wonder.

Sometimes I daydream.

Sometimes I wonder/daydream/wish too much.

I feel like I'm floating in a space vacuum. The vacuum is impermeable. I have nothing around.

And suddenly I can't remember anything much from these nearly fifteen years.