11 hours into the new year and I'm not feeling very new. Pun intended. Well, they say that the new year is a time to make a fresh start and forget about all old worries (ha!) but AH AIN'T TOO SURE 'BOUT THAT, YEAH?

Well, what's piling in? Commitments to school. Mostly. And family. Homework's stacking up, the amount of stuff I don't know is crashing on, and again my grades are slipping all the way down to rock bottom. Well if it gets there it means the only way is up. Meanwhile I still have a long way to go. While I'm not the type to weep over a failing grade, it's rather disturbing that I don't because I'm used to it, and I don't particularly bother about that. How disturbing, the lack of emotion over a failing grade and the actual fact of getting used to it. Go ahead, commit me to Freud.

And now onto family! My mother's obsessed with tennis, my father's just fine, I'm failing a couple of subjects and have no hope for the rest. My grandmother's hooked up to a respirator in her bed at home and we're just waiting for the end, my grandfather's got gout and his feet are swelling and I'm sure something else of his is going, everybody's bodies are failing slowly, and the new maid in my grandmother's home is just fine, just fine.

Yes, yes, everything's just fine.

Absolutely normal.

And meanwhile I've been selected to be on the temporary list of St. Luke's concert comm. The school organises a fundraising concert for SL's Hospital and practically the whole level applied to be on the comm. Because we all need leadership points. But I applied for another reason too.

While I don't plan to go into geriatric care/nursing, the fact that every Sunday I see my grandmother wheezing away at the respirator makes me think that we've been taking care of her very well. She's got her own respirator, a live-in maid who takes care of her well, a family who rushes her to hospital if she gets too bogged down with phlegm. Her immune system's next to nothing but yet she survived pneumonia and other things countless times.

So the question is, we're caring for her so well, but are other folks being cared for as well too?

So perhaps being on the comm will make me feel like I'm more actively doing something for other folks.

Charity's one of the only things that actually seems to be worthwhile now. The other being taekwondo. I mean, come on, I put in effort, I see it. Unlike studying.

But whatever, I have to get back to chemistry homework.