She's pretty, slim, smart and does sports well. She scores well. She's popular. And she's pretty. I think I've said that already.

I knew that she was ill sometime ago, but I just learnt today that she has fluid in her brain and it was bad enough to necessitate an operation. She had to take a year off school.

I don't know whether I still admire her or not. I used to be jealous of her. I mean, there I was, sitting next to her in tuition, and imagine someone like me sitting next to someone like her.

Not that I actually wish to be pretty, but I do wish to be otherwise.

I don't know whether I still admire her - if she recovers, of course I still would, if she doesn't, I think I still would in a way.

In a way being the operative term.

In a way being the operative term because 'in a way' dictates how I view a lot of people around me. And in a way I've come to detest going to school or even being in MGS because the whole school is just filled with pretty, slim and smart girls.

Well obviously this gives an insight into my fucked up mindset. Hahah. Time to break out the laughter barrel.

Tell me what I should feel again. Because I forgot how I should feel. Hahah.